The pain

 When the pain come, it is really sore. If I told I am in pain, that means is a pain. Deep in my heart i hope there is comfort word would come, even it never be. 

I might be strong outside, but my inner self always heart broken. I can't express it. Other people always get acknowledge whatever happen in their life.  Me in opposite way, where i always in silence. 

My rule always make myself a loser.  I don't say anything, it never be I am ok. I will love my self first.

💙

I am happy if people surrounding me happy

 especially Ayah, the person who work so hard for me to be a successful girl.

He shows the proof that with learning you can change your future. 

I know it is not easy to raise me. I see my surrounding. 

I am so grateful have ayah as my father. I will buy a star if he wish to have a star, since I know it is not easy for ayah to make me like a person.

I might not the perfect one, but that me👪

Holiday over the weekend.

 I am back early today to home. weekend well spend with activity of drawing, sleeping, watching kung fu. I just miss my mom. I am envious other that going back home and they have mother at home. the mother cook. and I am still eating what I cook by self. 

I hate being in holiday since it always the same routine

I am pray , I will be given a mother even temporary or a mother in law. I wish I can eat what they call mother cooks. 

I hope Allah will grant my wish to have a mother. even a moment I will satisfied. 

and  you know what, I just remembering a person that long time I erase from my brain. Mohamad Syafiq bin Sabri. I know it hopeless to wait, he  never be my soulmate.

people nowaday dont see the heart, they only see physical.

I need to change for them to accept me. yes... since i need a mother so much.

I will hug and apologise everyday to a mother. I will say iam grateful and love her so much.

I will show her the best smile ever. 

2021

My last entry in 2017

Now already in 2021. 

Assalamualaikum write today for myself to remember back what happen later.

Currently I am in the journey to pursuit my master. At the moment in second year. How time flies.

I am still waiting. I hope that you can read my blog even in silent.

I am endure this life with help from Allah. I see the cloud, rainbow and sun to make me happy. I know is useless to have hope with you beside Allah. Allah had keep me in this moment. Once I  pray to forget you, the memory is erase. Now, suddenly I feel back the feeling that you also think of me.

Or I am just dreaming. 😁

I envious with everyone in this world who has a mother. They able to taste the food cook by mom, hug and kiss the mother. They got pray from a mother. 

Iam just a human who waiting....

GUILIN, you fill my heart

Another journey begin this year, ending 2017

GUILIN, China

30/11-4/12/2017

 thank you my friends , we stay together through out this journey.

dramatic journey. 

I am happy with this trip,  thank you ummi nazihah and masliyana

we start as early as 2 am, excited to pass through the gate.  NO VISA, cannot fly to china

waiting visa by travel agency , sharp 5 am we got it. travel agency forget to email to us.

oh no, we need to hurry for beg check in and boarding.

thank you to air asia staff make everything smooth

dramatic journey, 

here some memory i catch with my sony

my beloved..26062017

26062017, I met my beloved.
usually I'm not going to visit my love. suddenly, my body move with my heart without hesitate, I drove to the place whee I could found my love. Missed or really want to met my love.

I drove alone, and arrived there. there were nobody here. I walk the alley down the hill until one spot. I lost the way. I cannot found my love. I am crying. I regretted not visiting  soon.
I shout loud out of my heart, where are ma?  I am sorry for not visiting. Allah give a way to turn and finally I found her.....my beloved ma. It looks like I am already accepted that she leave this world. Let times decide when I can met you again, I love you...I miss you....I am waiting my turn now, even I am not ready.....

Jogjakarta kota wisata

Another trips with my beloved friends Ummi, Nabihah and Masliyana  

Let's pictures tell the story

kalibiru, adrenaline rush...yee ha

candi borobudur,,,asia pyramid

gumuk pasir,,,,,,gurun di asia

hutan pinus.....Subhanallah

happy face after days of journey, wake up early, up and down the hills....SMILE

my new baby

I got another baby this year. It is blessed during ramadhan this year.
A small tiny baby girl. I miss you not even see you. Azzalea be strong, you are strong girl. Fighting, only Allah know , how strong and beautiful are you. I can't wait to see you soon.

Azzalea, please progress well, increase weight  and be healthy. Insya Allah.  All of the family members are waiting. BW= 600 gram,

Cameron Highland

trips to camerom highland after visit Ipoh. thank you masliyana , very patience with me who is like pregnan lady all the way down ...

Ipoh Heritage Trail

 Ipoh Heritage Trail

we walk around old town of Ipoh

"START"

Birch memorial clock tower

 there are few street art:

'Old Town White Coffe'

Paper plane

The stall

Hummingbird

Kopi O

Tin mine

Kopitiam

catch my eye, I want this building.....

Masjid Cina Ipoh

another attraction place in Ipoh

hardware shop

Heritage

22-24/04/2017

Again another trip, suddenly plan. what happen next. only two of us. Thank you Masliyana for accompany me. We did it. Walk around then eat a lot.

1st place we go, Kellie's Castle

beautiful....

After world war 2,

Dewan Bandaraya IPOH

Stesen keretapi IPOH

Mahkamah Tinggi Ipoh

 This trip open my eye about history. This beautiful place make me decide to choose this town as my next stop. the building mostly influence by colonial structure.

'kalau sudah rindu di hati
jangan lagi tertungu tunggu'

kosong

Kosong je rasa

semoga semangat untuk menghirup udara masih teguh

terasa saat undur diri semakin hampir

berikan ketenangan dan dipermudahkan urusan

28012012-28012017

5 year already

just like a blink

I love you ma

Allah love you more.....Al Fatihah

new year 2017

credit to mr google.tq

There were so many wishes I get through the phone
This new year I'm not away from home anymore.
Im in pahang
Nothing much in my list

I hope this year I give more than receive..
I am more healthy and do more deeds.
I am marrying someone not in my mind, VVIP maybe our new YDP Agong..Ameen,,,,.hahhaahhaha just joking

I miss you mom..
I am here....
2017....my age, my level of knowledge step up, still I am a learner in this earth and always young.

memory Sibu 28012015-30102016

Finally after so many flights from Malaya to Sibu Sarawak, 

I am transfer back to Pahang

nearly 2 years in Sibu Sarawak

meet and understand so many culture, language and etc...

love, cry all together

this place will be missed

thank you for all my staff in K1M UTC Sibu

I am glad working with all of you even only for short time...6 months together up and down,

be naughty....

after few years, my birthday ...thank you for remembering

bella, me, kak jannah, lenny, kak fidah, kak sariah, maggie, walter

m, walter, tarmizi, me chief shamin, favian

nice food, my favourite bihun goreng