The pain

 When the pain come, it is really sore. If I told I am in pain, that means is a pain. Deep in my heart i hope there is comfort word would come, even it never be. 

I might be strong outside, but my inner self always heart broken. I can't express it. Other people always get acknowledge whatever happen in their life.  Me in opposite way, where i always in silence. 

My rule always make myself a loser.  I don't say anything, it never be I am ok. I will love my self first.

💙

I am happy if people surrounding me happy

 especially Ayah, the person who work so hard for me to be a successful girl.

He shows the proof that with learning you can change your future. 

I know it is not easy to raise me. I see my surrounding. 

I am so grateful have ayah as my father. I will buy a star if he wish to have a star, since I know it is not easy for ayah to make me like a person.

I might not the perfect one, but that me👪

Holiday over the weekend.

 I am back early today to home. weekend well spend with activity of drawing, sleeping, watching kung fu. I just miss my mom. I am envious other that going back home and they have mother at home. the mother cook. and I am still eating what I cook by self. 

I hate being in holiday since it always the same routine

I am pray , I will be given a mother even temporary or a mother in law. I wish I can eat what they call mother cooks. 

I hope Allah will grant my wish to have a mother. even a moment I will satisfied. 

and  you know what, I just remembering a person that long time I erase from my brain. Mohamad Syafiq bin Sabri. I know it hopeless to wait, he  never be my soulmate.

people nowaday dont see the heart, they only see physical.

I need to change for them to accept me. yes... since i need a mother so much.

I will hug and apologise everyday to a mother. I will say iam grateful and love her so much.

I will show her the best smile ever. 

2021

My last entry in 2017

Now already in 2021. 

Assalamualaikum write today for myself to remember back what happen later.

Currently I am in the journey to pursuit my master. At the moment in second year. How time flies.

I am still waiting. I hope that you can read my blog even in silent.

I am endure this life with help from Allah. I see the cloud, rainbow and sun to make me happy. I know is useless to have hope with you beside Allah. Allah had keep me in this moment. Once I  pray to forget you, the memory is erase. Now, suddenly I feel back the feeling that you also think of me.

Or I am just dreaming. 😁

I envious with everyone in this world who has a mother. They able to taste the food cook by mom, hug and kiss the mother. They got pray from a mother. 

Iam just a human who waiting....

GUILIN, you fill my heart

Another journey begin this year, ending 2017

GUILIN, China

30/11-4/12/2017

 thank you my friends , we stay together through out this journey.

dramatic journey. 

I am happy with this trip,  thank you ummi nazihah and masliyana

we start as early as 2 am, excited to pass through the gate.  NO VISA, cannot fly to china

waiting visa by travel agency , sharp 5 am we got it. travel agency forget to email to us.

oh no, we need to hurry for beg check in and boarding.

thank you to air asia staff make everything smooth

dramatic journey, 

here some memory i catch with my sony

my beloved..26062017

26062017, I met my beloved.
usually I'm not going to visit my love. suddenly, my body move with my heart without hesitate, I drove to the place whee I could found my love. Missed or really want to met my love.

I drove alone, and arrived there. there were nobody here. I walk the alley down the hill until one spot. I lost the way. I cannot found my love. I am crying. I regretted not visiting  soon.
I shout loud out of my heart, where are ma?  I am sorry for not visiting. Allah give a way to turn and finally I found her.....my beloved ma. It looks like I am already accepted that she leave this world. Let times decide when I can met you again, I love you...I miss you....I am waiting my turn now, even I am not ready.....

Jogjakarta kota wisata

Another trips with my beloved friends Ummi, Nabihah and Masliyana  

Let's pictures tell the story

kalibiru, adrenaline rush...yee ha

candi borobudur,,,asia pyramid

gumuk pasir,,,,,,gurun di asia

hutan pinus.....Subhanallah

happy face after days of journey, wake up early, up and down the hills....SMILE